Where The Power Lies
by The Salad is Dressing
Summary: [OneShot] Paul muses over how he feels about Suze. Short Drabble. Paul POV.


**_A/N: _This is just random Paul POV drabble I did, possibly a bit AU. Probably set between Haunted and Twilight. Disclaimed to Meg Cabot. It's weird, and a little OOC, I guess. But I like it.**

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She doesn't really take my feelings seriously.

I know she thinks that I want her because I can't have her. She thinks I'm in it for the chase, for the game. That I have a need for destruction, and all I want to do is to ruin her relationship with Jesse.

Well it's more than that. It's not just because she's beautiful, and because she posses the same skill as me.

I saw her as a challenge to overcome, I wanted to see how hard it would be to fool and seduce her. But now wanting her has consumed me, it's a part of me. Wanting her is all I see, all I feel. And I pursue her simply because it's all I have now.

I want her more than anything, and it's not the challenge or the game or the chase. I _need_ her. I _need_ to keep wanting her. I can't give up or stop, because I'm in too deep now. Wanting her has become my sole purpose in life, and I don't know what I'd do if I stopped… I would have nothing.

I know she thinks that once I have her, I'll lose interest.

But it's the complete opposite, that's what worries me the most. That once I'll have her, how will I let her go?

I never wanted it to be like this. I still try to convince myself sometimes that It IS just a game. That once I have her, it will be over. I will have defeated her. I'll be over her.

But I'm so intoxicated with her and everything about her that I'm not sure if I could. Somehow I doubt I could stay away from her at all... I don't know if I'll ever be able to just _stop_…

I'm intoxicated with her. Addicted.

Though I'm not in love with her.

I'm just intrigued by the effect she has on me. In her presence the world seems surreal and blurred at the edges, and all that exists is her. It's like everything revolves around her and she revolves around everything.

I want to absorb her character and her emotions, Every expression that passes her face is a source of constant fascination to me.

But I'm not in love with her, it's impossible. Her stubborn indignation is almost as irritating as her infatuation with the ghost. I always considered her intelligent but how can I not doubt it when she continues to prance around with a guy doesn't even _breathe_.

Is she really that naïve? Doesn't she realize that's she has no chance of a future with him? It doesn't matter how much she claims to 'love' him because there is no possible way for them to be together… I'm the more logical choice. But Suze has never been a fan of logic, especially considering our… persuasion.

I think for the first time in my life, I'm scared.

My heart is pounding in my chest and my mind can only focus on one thing. I can't concentrate properly and it's like my body is rushing to function as paranoia blooms and infects me from inside my stomach.

I can't remember ever being afraid before and the feeling tastes fresh but bitter in my mouth. The air is warm but still I feel as if it is painting ice upon my skin.

I've never felt like this before, but something tells me I'm experiencing the symptoms of fear.

I know that for all that I pursue her, I don't really try. There is so much more I could do to convince her to fall for me. And I'm not just talking about shifter's abilities, like memory charms or attraction rituals. I don't even need any of that, because I know that I could easily change her opinion of me with just a few words and actions.

But I don't… I just don't. It's like I purposely never try hard enough to succeed. Because I honestly am afraid. Afraid of what will happen. What I'll do, once I have her. I'm scared, because I'll go from wanting her to _having_ her. I'm scared enough of the feelings she arises from me.

I don't know what attracts me to her so much.

I think it's because she's _real_, so _alive_. The whole world population seem like robots in comparison. Even I feel mechanical when I'm around her, with typical opinions and programmed reactions.

But Suze is so different. Her doubts, her fears, her reactions are all so pure. The emotions portrayed in her expressive emerald eyes are captivating.

And I'm scared of having her, because she's so unique. Sometimes I feel I need to _need_ her more than I actually need her.

There's so much I could teach her about herself, about her gift. _Our_ gift. But I can't teach her too much, because I know she has more power than me. I can feel it when I'm near her, and I know I have to prevent her from realising that for as long as I can. I could take away her little boyfriend so easily… but then that would change the situation completely. And if she knew all the things she was capable of, I'd be in trouble. She'd never believe a word that came out of my mouth again.

And I need that power. Because she already has so much power over me… and she never realises it…

No, I'm the one with the power. I will always have the power over her, and I _will _have her eventually. And when I do, I'll use her, and drop her like she is no more than a rag doll.

Compared to me, she is _nothing._

I'm _not_ in love with her...

**Please review! (It's my first shot at a serious Paul POV.)**


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